Projects, Projects and more Projects!!!

It's been a while. The last many blog postings I have tried to post have turned out a little, um, negative, bitter, sad, angry, etc, so I didn't want to actually post them. Today's, other than the fact that my back is killing me, is not going to do that!

I have SO many projects going on. The first, and possibly most important, is that I have started going to the gym--consistently--in the morning!-which is a huge accomplishment for me, because I am generally neither a consistent person, nor a morning person. :) It has been a week, and I am already noticing differences! I feel much more energetic, definitely less anxious, and am also toning up a bit! :) Yay! My "regular jeans" were falling off of me a bit yesterday, and I think soon my "skinny jeans" will get to be my regular jeans! WooHOO! To anyone thinking about adopting a morning exercise regime, my friend Kim (who has, I really think, 4% body fat or something like that...) gave me great advice, as my excuse was always that I didn't want to get up to go in the morning. "Waking up only sucks for the first 15 minutes or so". Now, I know Matt has told me that millions of times, but it actually clicked this time. And she was SOOO right. It is so nice to get up, get moving and get stuff done, all before the day actually starts. I then don't have to worry about the fifty million reasons why I can't make it to the gym in the afternoon/evening, because I have already worked out that morning! Oh, not only that, but I am drinking massive amounts of water, which I know is good for me, and a lot less soda!

The next thing is that I get to go to Cranial Sacral Therapy this week. I am SUPER excited about this! I have not done any alternative therapies since I was going to my beloved Pam, and I am ready to get back in to it! My first appointment is on Wednesday. Very exciting stuff! I hope it works, and that I get regrowth again. I know its possibly impossible at this time, but I really want to try all I can to get at least some hair regrowth while Matt is gone. Eyebrows and lashes would be really nice! I am sick of getting dust, etc in my eyes all the time. I told someone the other day that I always have something in my eye, and half the time it is my fingers.

Speaking of dust, April and I are making a lot of dust around the house and yard lately as well. We are extending the driveway, and Chad (my brother) was gracious enough to help us dig it out. I still have a little more digging to do, and then I am finally ready to put down the fabric, pavers and rock. I can't wait for that to be done, because it is dug out enough that I don't want to park the truck in the back now for fear that I might accidentally go off the edge and scratch the bottom or mess something up. So, for now, we are moving vehicles constantly so one or the other of us can get out.

The other thing we are doing is planting a flower garden. We wanted a veggie garden too, but really missed the boat on that one, so flowers will do. I got almost all of the plants planted, but need to get one more rose bush, and plant some "trim" flowers to finish, then lay mulch. Oh, and edging. That would be nice. That should be it, unless we completely decide to take down the Holly tree, which is entirely a possibility. Don't worry, I won't take one down without planting at least one more, but probably two more, as that will open up lots of space!

I also made a "deployment project" list. Boy, I have lots of stuff on there. I have a big whiteboard full of the list of things I need to do. I am getting some crossed off the list, and I am sure that more will be added as we go on throughout the deployment. The projects keep me busy, and also keep my mind off of Matt being away. It also helps time go by faster. I know I am doing this for the both of us, because I tend to get a little weepy and whiney when I don't have a project going on. :) It definitely would get done faster if Matt were here, because he has more focus than I do, and also because we tend to keep each other "going", but it will get done nonetheless, which will allow us more time to do what we want instead of work on projects when he is home.

Oh, and of course, we are paying off bills left and right as well. That is SUCH a great feeling! By the time Matt gets home, we will be completely out of credit card debt, the motorcycle will be paid off, and we will be paying off our vehicles in huge chunks! That is a great feeling!

Well, that's it for now. Off to bed as I have an early workout in the morning!

Happiness Makes Me Happy!

In the words of Kellie Nelson, "I just love 'love'".

Again, this trip has been really nice. It has been nice to get away, and it has been great to be around Matt's family. I feel like I have had little pieces of Matt with me all week long. This has been really good for me, as I was really starting to miss him, and even though I know he is there, and I know he is him, I have missed his silliness, and his loving, caring ways. Being here with his family certainly reminds me of who he is, and why I love him (and them all) so much.

Today, we went to lunch with Jason, Amanda, Kaden and Addison. Makayla was at school (but I did get a big squeeze from her when I saw her later this afternoon). Anyway, while we were at lunch, Kaden sat next to me, and let me help color in his coloring book. He was showing me how he did his puzzles. It was so cute. He said to me, as the waiter walked over, "I'm getting the cheese pizza". Jason then ordered the cheese pizza for him, and he looks at me and said "See, I told you!" It was adorable. That little man ate all his pizza! What a big boy (or, I mean, "just a kid"). Addison was sleepy, but Amanda said that she has been sleeping better this week. What a great break for mommy and daddy. They are such great parents! Watching them with their kids really makes me want them too. I can't wait to see Matt as a Daddy! I know he will be amazing!

Tonight, Ron and Suzanne and I went to go see "The Bounty Hunter". I loved the movie. The only thing that would have made it better would be if Matt was there watching it with me, and snuggling in the pink slanket as we like to do (honey, admit it. :) ). Anyway, it was a great movie. We went out to an Italian Place, Terra Mia, and had dinner. On the way home, Ron and Suzanne were playing "Punch Dub". It was HI-LAR-IOUS! I was laughing my head off. It was so nice to see them flirting and playing. That reminds me of Matt and I. We are always laughing and picking at each other. It makes me so happy to see marriage, even after 34 years, can still be fun, enlightening, and happy. It doesn't always have to be "business" or "grown up".

I know that I have married in to a wonderful family. They have shared goals, morals, values, and the caring, sharing and loving that they share is wonderful. I love that I feel as much a part of their family as anyone. This is technically only the 5th time I have "met" them in person, but since Day 1, I have felt like I belong.

With all that being said, I also need to mention how much I love my own family, and our ways of life as well. I love that Matt can feel as much involved and part of my family as he does with his own as well. I can't wait to share more of that with him also.

This trip has been such an awesome relief from the day to day countdown of Matt coming home. I, of course, am still counting down, but I definitely feel as if it is a little easier, and I have all the support and love I need from good friends and family. I love you all!

Good night. :)

Wagstaff Family Time

This week, I am in Utah, visiting Matt's family. So far, we have had a great time, and have more planned. More pictures to come as the week continues.

When I got to the airport, I was picked up in style! Ron brought his new Corvette. Boy can that thing fly! It is a gorgeous hunter green. It feels really low after being in Matt's truck, or even my car, but it is fast!

On Sunday, we went to Jason and Amanda's. I got to see baby Addison for the first time! She is so sweet! I also got to play with Makayla and Kaden for a bit. They wanted to play hide and seek. It was so much fun! I need to get another closer picture of Addison. She is absolutely beautiful! Of course, I also want to get some pictures of the rest of the family as well, so that Matt can see them on the blog or Facebook or something. I will be sure to get those this week as well.

On Saturday, we get to go to a Bridal Expo for the new bride-to-be! Cassie and D are getting married next spring/summer, when Matt gets home. I am so happy for them! I didn't get a picture of Kacey yet, either. They were having so much fun playing!

Of course, we have eaten a lot. That is good. I told Suzanne that I get to eat what I want this week. When I get home, then it is really time for me to buckle down, as we officially have a midtour date, and we are hoping to go somewhere tropical for our delayed honeymoon. Luckily, the food that we have eaten has been pretty healthy. Well, other than the super pies that we have been eating, but that is okay. All in moderation, right?

Anyway, I am excited to get more pictures to share. This has been a great time so far. It is so nice to see Matt's family. I have missed him, of course, but it has been easier this week with his family around. It is so great to see them all! I am so lucky that I feel such a part of his family, even when he is not here.

Today was a good, good day

Finally! A good, good day. Good at work, good after work, and tonight, I think we just might win at Trivia! If we do, then I am just going to by a lotto ticket.!

Today, I placed several students. Thank GOODNESS!!! I was getting more and more ancy as each day went by. I have been swamped and at my wits end with work, busier than I can imagine being. It isn't just me either. Our whole team is swamped. Boy, does it feel good to get some of that weight taken off, by simply having someone say "Yes". It is even better when it is several at the same time! :)

After work, I went out and fixed what I had already fixed once on the fence. Matt put in a new driveway, and a gate for the truck to fit in the backyard so that we had extra parking for April while he was gone. Also, so that his truck wasn't always out in the open. He also put in a gate for the lawnmower to actually fit through. My honey is so fabulous! Anyway, one of my projects for the summer is to put up new, matching panels for the fence. Well, April and I got motivated this weekend and put it up. We put up twelve panels before it got dark. Each panel was perfectly level...with itself...We thought that would work, because the yard goes up in a hill. Yeah, didn't look so good.

So, yesterday, I put out a line that would help me see the grade of the hill, and mount the panels accordingly. That helped it look MUCH better. I talked to Matt last night, and asked him how he spaced out the panels. He said he butted them up together. Sigh. So, today, I took them all down, again, and butted them up together. Those were twelve panels.

I managed, in one and a half hours, to put up all of the panels for the side of the fence. And, get this, it looks GREAT! They are level, butted up together, and even increase with the grade of the fence. Pictures to come soon. I want to finish the back side of it before I get pictures up.

Anyway, it feels so good to accomplish stuff like this. It feels good to have "progress". I feel sad and lonely sometimes, but I know that Matt would be proud of these silly little accomplishments that would take him one time to figure out. Oh well. Now, when I do the other, longer side of the fence, I will have this all figured out!

So, wish us luck at Trivia tonight. If we win, I am all about a Lotto Ticket!!! :)

More friends leaving today.

Matt has been gone for three weeks today. This has been easier than I thought, but also way harder than I thought. That doesn't make sense, really, except to me, I guess.

Today, many of our friends will be leaving. My friends' spouses will be leaving, but also Trina will be leaving today. Trina has become such a great friend. She is always there when needed, and it makes me feel good that she will be over there with Matt, as I know that she would look out for him, sort of like I would, just to make sure that he has a good friend there. She is such a beautiful person with a smile that will make his days go a little better, too. I feel good that he is over there, to be her friend, and someone for her to talk to and to lift her spirits as well. She amazes me every day because she has been through a rough couple years. Somehow, she is still the one who is always first to smile, and first to offer assistance if she sees a friend in need. It is truly amazing. Trina had to leave her husband and two kids. See? Simply amazing.

The husband of a good friend of mine also leaves today. Actually, she was the first friend I met here. They just had a baby during his time home. I just can't imagine doing this with kids. Kudos to all military families with kids. Both those leaving, and those staying behind, that have to always hold it together, for the kids. You are truly the strongest of the strong.

More friends and spouses of friends are leaving today also, and also later this week. I just wish everyone the best, and I guess I want everyone to know that I am here if anyone needs anything, even if we haven't known each other for too long. I think that our strength together is so much more than individually. The support that I have had over the past several weeks has been what has helped me through this time, and I am ready to offer it to others as well.

Tonight, I get to hang out with another couple who are friends of Matt and mine. The wife of this couple is also leaving this week. I wish we all could have spent more time together during the time home, but at the same time, these precious 12 months of spending with your loved one prior to them leaving again, it is hard to give up your time together, knowing that this is all you have for a while. Gosh, have I mentioned yet that the soldiers and their families and loved ones truly are an inspiration?

Paige's husband will also be leaving this week. She has been one of the strongest supports of me throughout Matt's deployment, and even before. She and her husband have been through so many deployments and separations, they are nearly pros at this. Let me tell you, it doesn't seem to get easier the more you go through, even if you are a pro. They have a son as well that John will have to leave. The time leading up to the departure is almost worse than the actual goodbye, but of course no one wants to let their loved ones go. I just hope that she knows I want to be here for her every bit as much as she was there for me.

Anyway, I guess I should end my entry for today. I am sad for the separations of families that are taking place. I am thankful, happy and proud of the soldiers that are defending us and our freedoms, and protecting our country and our values. I am amazed and proud of the families that are left behind, having to be strong throughout the deployment. The strength that you have is what allows us to have our lives the way we do. When you take a moment to stop and think about all the people that those in our military protect, it is mind boggling. The sacrifices that are made are amazing. Thank you all for your service, and thank you all for everything that you do. Hero is an understatement for the military personnel as well as the families left behind. THANK YOU.

Missing Him- My Own Little Selfish World

I wanted to blog about our spa day. I really did. I actually wrote one, and was waiting for my pictures to upload, but then lost it when I actually was trying to upload the pictures. Now, I think I need another spa day, ha ha.

Of course the spa day was good, and relaxing, and a wonderful time with the girls. That was great. However, I think that it jiggled my "strength" away. I think that I was so strong because I was so stressed. Maybe a constant "I have to deal with this" feeling. The spa day seemed to have relaxed me enough to allow me to let it go. I wish now that maybe I could go back to "strong". Strong was easier.

Matt didn't call me at all this weekend. He couldn't call me at all. I have gotten so spoiled and used to him calling. I couldn't help but feel a bit of anger, and maybe a little bit forgotten. I know that is not what it was, but that is how I was feeling. I also had feelings of guilt for being angry. How selfish of me.

Reisa, one of my saving graces, called me on Sunday morning, and told me that the phone lines were down where Matt was at. That made me feel better, and less angry I guess. I talked with Paige, and Trina, and of course April about it. We had an issue during our Saturday night girls night, so the Blue Ray player wasn't working. John and Paige came over and John fixed it. That was very nice. Well, the video in the blue ray was of our wedding pictures, those that we had had throughout the years, and a compilation of those that we had together. I have watched this since he left, but yesterday, decided I wanted to watch it. It then became a weird addiction. These pictures are all I have of him right now. So, I watched it seven times. I laughed the first time, cried the next time, laughed, cried....

I know they say don't watch the news. You shouldn't look at the news, or read the news. I have been pretty good about that, because I don't want to know what is happening over there, and because I try to heed the advice of those who have done this before. I am an incredibly anxious, and worrisome person. I was not going to watch it. After I talked with Reisa, and Paige and Trina yesterday, I got on the internet to email Matt and tell him how I was feeling, and that I loved him, and that I knew that he couldn't contact me just yet. On my home page, the first article- bomb in Khandahar. I had to read it. I only read long enough to know that no soldiers were killed. I knew he was safe anyway, even when reading it, but it hit me....hard....I guess it was the first real realization that I had had that he wasn't just over there being bored. He was over where there war was taking place. People were getting hurt, people were dying. I knew this in my head the whole time, of course, but it became more real to me.

Talking to the girls, they have all gone through this before, they seem to understand, but they seem to deal with it so much stronger than I did. I called my mom, because I didn't want to bother anyone with my "freakout", but I had to get it out. I messaged my brother, a flight engineer for the Navy, who had some consoling words. He has been there, and could offer me consolation about what Matt was probably thinking or feeling. I can't help but be upset with myself. Here I am, worried and sad and scared and angry at this stupid war. Matt and the other soldiers, are over there, in the midst of all of this, and they just carry on as I would for my job. My job that the largest risk I have is some stranger yelling at me. They have to be strong, courageous, and they have to carry on their days with a clear head, and they have to supress all their worry, sadness, fear and anger. They can't risk having a "freakout", as it would put their lives, and others' lives, in danger. They don't get a spa day to relax, or they don't get to have a drink to help console them. They just do what they have to do.

Today, I tried to work. I could not get out of bed (well, the couch, because I could not sleep in my bed last night). When I did, I tried to work, but could not take my mind off of it, could not clear my head and focus on what I had to do. I had to stop. I was no good to anyone if I kept "trying". Matt doesn't get a day off. He doesn't get to call in because he "can't take it today".

How selfish of me. How incredibly, horribly selfish of me.

I did get to talk to him last night. He told me he was okay. All I could do was cry and tell him how horrible the day was for me, that I didn't hear from him, and that I was scared. How freaking selfish. Boo freaking hoo. Now he has to think all day that I am here sad. On top of everything else he has to worry about.

So, I might have these days in the future, I am sure that I will. But, I am going to do my darndest to keep it to myself.

I am sorry, honey, for upsetting you. I am sorry that I have been so self-centered, when you are over there not just for you, not just for me, but for everyone in this country, fighting this stupid war. I want you to come home now. I love you, baby. I miss you so much.

Gettin' Things Done

Last night, April and I were very, very productive. We finally got the living room, office, garage and her room organized to where it looks like we live in a house again, rather than a storage space. How exciting! We can actually turn on the television now, without the remote sensors being blocked by piles of stuff. I think this will be really helpful to her as well, because she can start working again, and also knows where her stuff is!

One of our projects was the hang the Wall Mount for her television in her bedroom. "We can do this", I said. So, we went and got all of the tools that we would need (plus some, apparently). We opened the directions and got to work. Funny thing about the directions is that there were no written directions. It was just pictures. That actually made things more difficult, but we figured it out.

We drilled 13/16" holes in the wall for the wall swing arm mount. Let me go back. We first measured, leveled, marked, and then predrilled holes. We did also use the stud finder, but apparently it is not exactly correct. As you can see by the first picture, there was one casualty in the wall. We then went to the old "knock on the wall" trick, as well as the stud finder. That worked better. :)

By using our "picture book directions", we attached the mount to the TV, and then hung it on the swing arm mount. Actually, the only real problem we ran in to was to get the nut to go on the screw that attached the swing arm to the TV mount. And, I think that was mostly because someone had bought the item and returned it, and they put grease or something all over the inside of the attachment, which made the nut slippery.

The one tool that we forgot to get was the socket wrench. I asked April to go find it in the tool box. I said "can you go get me the Crescent Wrench". She looks at me blankly. "You know, the one that goes qchqchqch." She knew exactly what I meant. This is how she and I work so well together! :) (And yes, we know now that it is a Socket Wrench!)

We had a good time with this project, and felt very accomplished. Her television is now on the wall in her room, and it is not going anywhere! I think we should start a "HandyWoman" business! ha ha.

I do have to thank my sweetheart for the stuff that I learned from him. There is no way I would have even attempted this project if I hadn't been working with him on other projects where I learned how to do some stuff, and also where I gained some confidence, especially for drilling big holes in to walls! I love you, sweetie!