With everything going on, sometimes I get lost in myself, and I worry about our family, our future, and our present. Sometimes I forget to think about all the things that are wonderful in my life, especially now.
I am very thankful, first and foremost, for the time that I had with Matt. For the way that we made each other feel, and the way that we loved each other- wholeheartedly- forever. I am very, very thankful for that. I am very thankful that we didn't argue over insignificant things. That we showed our love for each other so that we both could see it, but also so that everyone else could see it too. It is very obvious the way that we feel about each other. I have that to hold on to for the rest of my life. Thank God.
I am also thankful for our family and our friends. Gosh, how could any of us have gotten through this if we didn't have each other? I am thankful for the strength that his family has brought me this week, because last week was not a good one for me. I couldn't find strength, and I felt like I was being bombarded with one thing after the next. They have been a source of solice and strength for me this week. I can feel Matt stronger when I am with them. I really hope that I can give the same to them that they give to me.
I am thankful for my family as well. I think that we have become a stronger unit through time, and that Matt even got to see the strength of my family bonds as well. I am thankful that I can call my Mom and talk to her, or that my Dad will come over whenever I need him to, even if I don't really know that I need him sometimes. I am thankful that my brothers and sister are there to help me, and that hopefully I can help them too. I want our memories of Matt to be fluid in our strength as a family also.
I am thankful for our friends. Especially for those who really knew us together. Those that I can share memories with, and those that understand our relationship. It helps to be able to have fun memories to talk about and laugh about. I am thankful for April for helping me in my very darkest moments, and for being there when I need her.
I am thankful for Captain Butler, who came in to our family not knowing a single one of us, what our reactions would be, how we would handle his death, and has been able to guide us through the worst time of our lives. Her loving, caring, compassionate nature has allowed her to be a saving grace, for all of us. She is now part of the family, and is also a hugger now, ha ha. :) She has been a wonderful blessing to our family, and I am so proud of her accomplishments in the Army, and personally. I know that she will make incredible feats that will only make her even more beautiful of a person than she already is, if that is even possible.
I am thankful for the soldiers, seamen, airmen and marines that are all still serving. All still sacrificing their time, their holidays, their lives for our country. I am thankful that they do this selflessly, and are able to continue their duties when they have lost so much. So much time, so many memories, and also friends. They continue to be there, away from home, because they are protecting us.
I am thankful for my dog, Lily. She is just like my child, so please don't think it is silly. She is there to hug me when I need it, and to distract me when I need that more. She gives puppy kisses, and she is a constant reminder, especially when I am alone, of the love that Matt had for both of us. He used to talk to her on the phone and she would get so excited to hear her Daddy's voice. She used to nibble on his toes when we first started dating him, and she always gave him "drive by slobber kisses" that he would grumble about, but always laugh and knew that he was loved.
I am thankful for all of these things, so I need to not be so sad and weak that I am missing him. I am a generally positive person, and the last week took a lot of strength out of me, but I am finding it again, hopefully. So, for the fact that today I have hope, that makes things better.
I love you, sweet husband of mine. I love you so much. So, so, so much. I miss you like crazy, and can't wait to see you again. But, in the meantime, I will still continue to smile for you.
I love you and am thankful to have you in my Life!