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Sunday, January 16, 2011

Crazy

I am Crazy. I am CRAZY. But, my Mom said it best. "Tiff, you ARE crazy. You are crazy in love".

As I sit here, listening to his iPod at midnight, wide awake after having a productive and strong day, and a visit with a fellow "crazy-in-love-r", I am filing through song after song, playing however they will, and finding meaning in everything that is playing. He's talking to me. I am going to listen. You know what? "She Talks to Angels". I do. He listens. And he smiles, so I smile back. And when he talks to me, I listen. I smile, and he smiles back.

I have lost him. I have lost HIM. It took me a long time, and a long journey to find him. But, unlike so many people, I DID find HIM. I didn't settle. He DID find ME. He didn't settle. We waited and fought through the journeys, and we found each other. And, you know what? I am not going to let this physical loss take him away from me. I will see him again one day. I will hold him, hug him, kiss him, and never, ever let him go. Nothing will ever be able to separate us then. I can't wait. I have more to do on this Earth, and then it will be time for me to see him again.

I know that I have already said it many times, but he really did make me feel like the most special person on this planet, no matter how far away he was. I know who we are, and I plan on continuing that. I know who he made me. He did make me what I am, really, and it is hard to sometimes keep that going without him, but those are only minor stumbles, ultimately. He has lifted me up. He has shown me that life is hard, but there is ALWAYS a reward at the end of the struggle. HE IS MY REWARD. He was for the first 30 years of my life, and he will be when my journey is over. Selfishly, I do want him here. I want to have my cake and eat it too, but knowing that I have to find and finish my journey here so I can see him again makes it that much more important to me to find it and finish it. I will travel whatever distance I need to, just to see him, hug him, hold him and love him again.

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